tifftails88

I never said that it would be easy.

Being with someone like me.
It was a test in your ability to stay

Watching you watch me.
I could see
We had possibilities

Things unforeseen that could be.

You and me.

You thought that everything was peachy
I thought u just a bit to needy
But needy was me being needed and I was ok

Days were like nights
We’d laugh play and fight

And theses fights were my fights
I would push and I would pull
I would drag you back
I was needy to.

I wanted you to want me

Dancing into circles
You chased
I was elusive
You were intrusive
You wanted to catch was always just out of reach

It was to much.

The days were night
Not like

It was confusion
Out of your mind because I was an illusion
A substitution of what you wanted me to be

Hearing you cry whoa is me.
As if I didn’t warn you
I wasn’t easy. I was catastrophe .

I was a test you see
To think of all those possibilities

But you failed
Tested my abilities to stay
Not to stray

So I called it a day.

me and Gina being silly,cant believe its been 5 months already.



girls gone wild lol


this is how you french it baby

I had the best time last nite !!. i was walking around Newark when i decided i wanted some coffee. it was around 3:30ish , so i walk past this coffee shop that under ground and decide to go in . omg it was beautiful they had art all over the wall that local students at the university had hung in hopes of someone buying their work. it was eye popping. this one piece caught my eye it was in black and white with a red outline on the right side , a nude. i think i'll buy it . i forgot to ask what it cost but that not the point of this story. After i order my coffee i hand the girl behind the counter ,Courtney i later learned, y card was declined !! i was so embarrssed . then i remembered that i just got my debit card in the mail the other day so it was probly because i didnt activate it at the atm yet whew! so i ask her if there hiring and the boss calls me up to the upper level so we can talk, he says that i can start training on sunday!!! wow and just like that i have left the unemployed world :) Then he goes on to say that theyre hosting an event that nite and are short on hands and if i was free to help, hell yea ! so i come back at 6 and it turns out they were doing an Open mic. id never been to one before and i always wondered where to even find one but it was amazing tyhere were poets and musicians, comedians i was so excited. the poetry was amazing and i met and spoke with a lot of funny characters. I signed up for the next open mic on wednesday. i have a lot of poems that i think arent half bad. imma have to figure a way outta my stage fright. i freeze up when in the spotlight. jeez i remember reading my essays in front of the class had me shitting bricks. i was shaking like a leaf the whole time lol. but im going to do it !! theres actually an open mic tonite at the starbucks around the corner from where i got hired . im going to see if i can find courage between now(2:00p) and 7:30 when it starts . i got invited to come with a guy i met last nite , another poet. i think this is good for me. being at events like this is bound to force me out of my bubble.

on another note i finally find a topic to write my book on. i keep playing with the idea of writing a book and the idea came to me when me a the nite b4 last when i was thinking about an argument me and my ex had 2 week ago . i went out with a few friends and didnt call home, i was only out for one nite really i came home the next day . but my parents flipped and called the cops to file a missing persons report. i was even on the news!!!! one nite. but i guess i should have called. i always do i dont know why the thought never crossed my mind. so im on the train back to jersy, i was in NY, and call my besty to let her know all is well. she was really worried and just said thank god ur ok next time just tell her where im at so atleast one person knows. that was all she had to say. i called the ex next because i kno my mom called him. he flipped out on me. ive never been cursed out as colorfully as he did me. then he went on to say that i was stupid and how he cant take how spur of the moment i am andhow he doesnt want anything to do with me. he told me to lose his number , he was deleting mine. exact words-" see tiff this is why i cant even have you as a friend.i dont even kno why i bother. you know what dont call me again. ever. hit me up when u have your life together and maybe i might decide to pick up." click. asshole. it was never much of a friendship to begin with so im not broken. still. it stung to kno that someone ive been with for 4 yrs and friends for 5 would say that. but hes just a self rightous jerk with fake morals. i swear im the only one who ever made an effort with that friendship any wayz all he does it take take take. he's fine with me as long as im there to help him boost his ego or cheer him up when something in his perfect world doesnt go how he wants it to, fuck i even gave him advice on a relationship he jumped into 2 days after we broke broke up after 4 yrs! but he made it clear hwe wouldnt do the same with me. a one way street. so watever. i wont be calling him but its funny when he get me upset i get the best ideas for my work.
the book is going to be called " so my Girlfriend is Bipolar" its going to be a compilation about what exactly Bipolar disorder is etc, then it goes into sories from women and teens who have it and what is like for them. their mentality during their mood shifts. then it goes into storys from the men and women that date them or have dated them and what their strories are, what they felt and what their true perceptions of BD were, if they even knew much about it. how they handled situations. and what they were confused about, if they didnt know how to handle it. then i want it to have stories from people who support their partners through their trials and what they do to help or how they handle them. i want to include some of my own negative experiences on how damaging it can be to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt understand, cant handle or doesnt really believe that bipolar disorder is a serious condition that cant be cured with a little tlc.
i want the last few chapters to have something of guide for people dating someone with BD so they can know the proper way to react and help or just support that person. and give them a heads up on what theye in for or what to expect. how to deal without causing that person harm or damage.
When im mad at Him i think of all the times he hurt me even if tey were unintentionl because of how much he didnt understand and would forget what i was then explode or patronize me when i was going manic. i feel there are alot of people out there who will benefit from a book like this,i think its going to have a huge reception.

"living is easy with eyes closed "- the beetles.

Dear someone special,

After many years I have finally found you, though in reality you were always there.
I have known and loved you all my life without knowing for you are you yet you are wholly
me and who can claim to love another without first loving themselves ? you are everything
that I am yet so much more, all that I have ever hoped to find in another. For so long I feared
you were beyond my reach. My faults and sins run deep and I thought myself unworthy of
love.Then you were there. I felt you before I saw you, like chimes your soul rang through mine.
It called me, knew me, loved me, and suddenly I was clean.
I want you to know if I had not made myself clear that truly I love you with my entire being. I
desire you, words simply cannot describe my want for you. To lose myself within the caress of
your flesh, to find absolution and clarity in you embrace. I need you and the thought that you
could slip away terrifies me.
You are dear to me, know that within me you will have forever. My love is unyielding and unconditional.I will never demand anything of you as you have never demanded anything of me. Within you I have found eternity. Funny how that doesn't seem like nearly enough time for me to love you.


Always with Love,
Your someone special

i am heart break. do you know of dying songs? of empty embraces and of darkness?
do you know of dried tears? of silent shadows, memories that taunt of kisses that still linger
long after their touch has passed?
i am sorrow. do know what its like to die inside?,
to have your Sun disappear and the only warmth in your life go with it?
to feel the cold enter your mind and numb your body
as it seeps in your bones?
i am pain. have you felt that shattering affect. the ground shaking as the earth crumbles
beneath your feet. and you fall. descending into the abyss of forgotten dreams and wasted time
i am all of these these. i give myself to you. happiness and love are but illusions that only suffice to trick you into a false sense of comfort,
where u believe i will not find you.
but like death i am a certainty. you cannot escape me. for even as the happiness sings threw you
and the love of another cloaks you in their warmth and their touch holds you firmly in place know that i am watching. know that i am never far i wait. i lurk in the corners of your mind ind the shadows of the slightest doubts.
when broken love robs you of your naivety i will come. and i give you this, myself. i will coat you in all that i am, and you will except me.
because i am the only thing that you can trust. the only thing that is sure , the only thing of which you can be certain

Everywhere i go i see them
where to go
where to run
their eyes wide open
they're watching me
In the night
they come they wait
the grinning shadows on my wall
i cannot sleep, they talk to me
Silent laughter in the air
they're everywhere!
they stare, they stare
I'm going mad!
this isn't real
but i can feel them
They're watching me..


I wrote this after a serious bout of insomnia where i was really paranoid. i felt silly in the morning but i stayed up all that.

Hello,



I passed you on the street today. We didn't speak. I don't know what your voice sounds like

and there wasn't anything about you really that struck me as significant. In truth you were

quite plain. Our eyes met as we passed, purely by chance. Like I said nothing really significant.

I continued on my way and you on yours though I noted that you had entered this coffee shop.

While walking I continued to think of you. For some strange reason I wanted to know you. I

felt that if I continued to walk and didn't speak to you I would miss out on what could be the most

important love of my life. As crazy as this sounds I think you feel the same. So I quickly turned

back and luckily you were still here. I guess I can start by saying "hello my name is_______, I don't

know you but I really want to. If you'll let me I would love to sit and have a cup of coffee with you.

Also I would really, very much like to know your your name.

tiffany was just excepted into Rutgers BFA program !!!!!!!!!!